When your soulmate is dating someone else
I honestly believed I had to overlook a few of his bad qualities because, well, that’s what you do when you are with your soulmate, isn’t it? Your soul mate doesn’t leave you, even if he insists he’s never loved anyone more than you. They want to be with you, despite their circumstances. We leave people simply because we know or feel that something is wrong. This is part of your addiction not wanting to be alone. The reality of life is that when you have a relationship with a married or partially available man, you are an unwelcome intruder, whether you were lured there by the man or you went willingly, you are doing SEVERE DAMAGE to all the people involved, including yourself. It’s trying to justify your behavior when truthfully, there is no justification for it. He neglects you, avoids you, doesn’t call, doesn’t write, text, etc. Normal, healthy men call you, they want to see you and spend time with you. If he’s “the one,” he is not abusing you in any way shape or form, and likewise, you are not abusing him back. You’ve only met him online and haven’t even seen him yet. But attraction nor clicking over the internet is a sign of deep love. Any two people with chemistry and attraction can have that. But that alone is not the basis for a healthy relationship.
You overlook the bad and try to stay focused on the good. It’s your addiction telling you that the pain of staying is better than the pain of being alone. Not only do you need to create morals and values for yourself, but you need to see how distorted his morals and values are if he is taking action to be with you. You finally met “the one,” but you’re married to someone else. The reality of life is that when you have a relationship outside your marriage, you are inviting an unwelcome intruder into your life—the one that presently anchors you to your hubby. Soul mates don’t neglect you, avoid you, or have a million excuses why they didn’t call. Physical fighting and making up doesn’t count either. Those things are superficial, and though they are a great start to a possible relationship, they are not a relationship. He has a circumstance or situation which keeps him from connecting with you. But a good enough amount of the time that you healthily need them to be.
At Project Soulmate, when someone is on the fence about a person they just met, we always encourage a second date. That person could be your soulmate, and you just blew him off because there was no absolute magic right away. So if it's always hot and always about sexual relations--when it's too much of anything--it's not lasting.
I don't want to put my stamp on something that anyone would think is instant. Without the friendship, the relationship will never sustain.
In my relationship (but maybe not yours), the best medicine in the world for intra-marital conflict is for me to be by myself, preferably with some sleep time in there somewhere. In fact, I’ve uniformly rejected every piece of relationship advice that I’ve ever been given — thank GOODNESS, because relationship advice is fucking dumb. In all the relationships I’ve witnessed from the sidelines of my longterm union, this is the one rule that has never gone away, never wavered, never been disproven.
Yet when I try to tell someone who is single this rule, they genuinely never believe me.“You don’t understand.
It's someone that your intuition is constantly reminding you that this is quality, this is different, and this is someone special.
I try not to be a twat about it, so I don’t go around giving advice or writing something twatty like “Lessons I’ve Learned From Being Happily Married, Not That You Would Know You Sad, Pitiable, Single Who Will Likely Have Your Dead Face Eaten By Your Pet”.
Thing is, the longer I stayed, the more I realized his bad qualities, while acceptable to others, was not acceptable to me. That’s when I became aware that my idea of “the one” was a little flimsy. But, remind yourself this: when a relationship is right and good, it doesn’t inspire you to keep running away. I have met so many women who fall in love with a married man (or a man dating another woman) and come to believe that the two are soul mates; that “he married the other woman because he hadn’t yet met me.” If that were the case, and occasionally it is, then you need to stay away from that man and his wife until his relationship is resolved and until he is free to date you. So often we are so grateful that someone is paying us attention that we don’t care who or what it is. Or perhaps we feel emotionally safer with a married man. But here’s the deal: “the one” is probably mostly attracted to you now because you’re married. An affair is selfish and childish, and you are doing SEVERE DAMAGE to all the people involved, including yourself. When a loving relationship is right and good, no one is cheating, no one is lying. It is based on the concept of immediate gratification (I want what I want and I want it now and I don’t care about the consequences). If he hit you once, chances are he’ll hit you again. Talking for hours with someone you cannot see, hear, smell or touch is not healthy either. When someone is on drugs, or drinking, they are not the person they were born to be. Soulmates may have skeletons in their closet, but they don’t have circumstance which keep them from enjoying who you are and what you have to offer. If he has a son that takes up all his time or a job that he’s addicted to, chances are he may not be emotionally available for you.